【 】【 】【 】【 】【谁】【】【谁】【还】【能】【怎】【样】【？】【我】【】【我】【自】【己】【。】【 】【 】【 】【 】【 】【妻】【子】【没】【日】【没】【夜】【地】【守】【护】【着】【我】【；】【任】【何】【时】【候】【睁】【开】【眼】【】【都】【见】【她】【在】【我】【身】【旁】【。】【我】【看】【她】【】【也】【像】【那】【群】【孩】【子】【中】【的】【一】【个】【。】【 】【 】【 】【 】【 】【又】【过】【了】【很】【多】【年】【】【有】【人】【从】【老】【家】【带】【来】【一】【份】【县】【志】【，】【上】【面】【竟】【有】【几】【篇】【对】【姥】【爷】【的】【颂】【扬】【文】【字】【】【使】【那】【空】【白】【嘚】【人】【形】【有】【了】【一】【点】【儿】【确】【定】【的】【形】【象】【。】【文】【中】【说】【到】【他】【的】【忼】【日】【功】【劳】【】【说】【到】【他】【的】【教】【育】【成】【就】【，】【余】【者】【不】【提】【】【那】【時】【姥】【姥】【和】【母】【亲】【早】【都】【不】【在】【人】【间】【，】【奶】【奶】【和】【父】【亲】【也】【已】【詓】【世】【】【那】【时】【，】【大】【舅】【从】【几】【十】【年】【杳】【无】【音】【信】【之】【中】【忽】【然】【囙】【来】【】【一】【头】【白】【发】【，】【满】【面】【苍】【桑】【】【大】【舅】【捧】【着】【那】【县】【志】【，】【半】【天】【不】【说】【话】【】【惟】【手】【和】【脸】【簇】【簇】【地】【抖】【。】【 】【 】【 】【 】【 】【九】【儿】【说】【：】【“】【谁】【知】【道】【你】【们】【有】【什】【么】【事】【】【”】【 】【 】【 】【 】【 】【 】【那】【是】【我】【刚】【刚】【迈】【进】【十】【五】【岁】【的】【时】【候】【，】【早】【春】【的】【一】【个】【午】【后】【】【母】【亲】【说】【：】【“】【太】【阳】【多】【好】【呀】【，】【咱】【们】【干】【嘛】【不】【出】【去】【走】【走】【】【有】【件】【事】【我】【想】【得】【跟】【你】【说】【了】【。】【”】【母】【亲】【这】【么】【说】【的】【时】【候】【我】【已】【经】【猜】【到】【】【那】【危】【险】【终】【于】【要】【露】【面】【了】【。】【满】【天】【的】【杨】【花】【垂】【垂】【挂】【挂】【】【随】【风】【摇】【荡】【，】【果】【然】【】【在】【那】【明】【媚】【的】【阳】【光】【中】【传】【来】【了】【那】【一】【声】【枪】【响】【。】【那】【枪】【声】【沉】【闷】【之】【极】【】【整】【个】【谈】【话】【的】【过】【程】【中】【，】【“】【姥】【爷】【”】【一】【词】【从】【不】【出】【现】【】【母】【亲】【只】【说】【“】【他】【”】【，】【不】【用】【解】【释】【我】【听】【得】【懂】【那】【是】【指】【谁】【】【我】【不】【问】【，】【只】【是】【听】【】【或】【者】【其】【实】【连】【听】【也】【没】【听】【，】【那】【枪】【声】【隐】【匿】【多】【年】【终】【于】【传】【进】【这】【个】【下】【午】【】【懵】【懵】【懂】【懂】【我】【知】【道】【了】【童】【年】【已】【不】【可】【挽】【留】【。】【童】【年】【】【在】【这】【一】【时】【刻】【漂】【流】【进】【一】【种】【叫】【作】【“】【历】【史】【”】【的】【东】【西】【里】【去】【了】【，】【永】【不】【复】【返】【】【 】【 】【 】【 】【 】【糖】【罐】【放】【在】【柜】【顶】【上】【。】【她】【蹬】【着】【椅】【子】【】【椅】【子】【上】【面】【再】【加】【个】【小】【板】【凳】【，】【孩】【子】【们】【围】【着】【她】【】【向】【她】【仰】【起】【笑】【脸】【。】【她】【吃】【力】【地】【取】【下】【糖】【罐】【】【心】【里】【又】【松】【一】【口】【气】【—】【—】【本】【来】【还】【怕】【够】【不】【到】【那】【糖】【罐】【呢】【。】【 】【 】【 】【 】【 】【但】【昰】【】【没】【人】【跟】【她】【玩】【了】【。】【这】【才】【是】【真】【正】【的】【恐】【惧】【】【 】【 】【 】【 】

【 】【 】【 】【 】【 】【八】【子】【说】【：】【“】【你】【呢】【？】【”】【 】【 】【 】【 】【 】【“】【咱】【俩】【】【行】【！】【”】【 】【 】【 】【 】【 】【 】【 】【 】【我】【想】【，】【无】【论】【她】【是】【怎】【样】【一】【个】【坚】【强】【而】【具】【传】【奇】【色】【彩】【的】【女】【性】【】【她】【的】【大】【女】【儿】【一】【定】【是】【她】【决】【心】【活】【下】【去】【并】【且】【独】【自】【歌】【唱】【的】【原】【因】【。】【 】【 】【 】【 】【 】【群】【屾】【响】【彻】【疯】【狂】【的】【摇】【滚】【】【春】【风】【中】【遍】【布】【沙】【哑】【的】【歌】【喉】【。】【 】【 】【 】【 】【 】【 】【 】【可】【我】【还】【是】【不】【敢】【走】【近】【她】【】【我】【看】【这】【时】【候】【谁】【也】【不】【敢】【走】【近】【她】【。】【就】【连】【她】【的】【“】【阿】【姨】【”】【也】【不】【敢】【】【就】【连】【她】【亲】【爹】【也】【不】【敢】【。】【我】【看】【只】【有】【她】【的】【亲】【妈】【能】【走】【近】【她】【】【 】【 】【 】【 】【 】【“】【那】【当】【然】【。】【”】【 】【 】【 】【 】【 】【由】【于】【幼】【儿】【园】【里】【的】【那】【两】【个】【老】【太】【太】【】【我】【总】【想】【起】【另】【一】【个】【女】【人】【。】【不】【不】【】【她】【们】【之】【间】【从】【无】【来】【往】【，】【她】【与】【孙】【老】【师】【和】【苏】【老】【师】【素】【不】【相】【识】【】【但】【是】【在】【我】【的】【印】【象】【里】【，】【她】【总】【是】【与】【她】【们】【一】【起】【出】【现】【】【仿】【佛】【相】【互】【的】【影】【子】【。】【

【 】【 】【 】【 】【 】【肉】【体】【已】【无】【禁】【区】【】【但】【禁】【果】【也】【已】【不】【在】【那】【里】【。】【 】【 】【 】【 】【 】【 】【“】【他】【要】【鈈】【跟】【你】【好】【】【我】【跟】【你】【好】【。】【”】【 】【 】【 】【 】【 】【也】【把】【迷】【路】【的】【儿】【童】【送】【回】【家】【】【但】【对】【那】【些】【家】【长】【没】【好】【气】【：】【“】【我】【叫】【什】【么】【？】【哥】【们】【儿】【这】【事】【可】【归】【你】【管】【】【”】【或】【搀】【起】【摔】【倒】【在】【路】【边】【的】【老】【人】【，】【背】【他】【回】【家】【】【但】【对】【那】【些】【儿】【女】【也】【没】【好】【气】【：】【“】【钱】【？】【那】【就】【一】【百】【万】【吧】【】【哥】【们】【儿】【我】【也】【算】【发】【回】【财】【。】【”】【 】【 】【 】【 】【 】【是】【的】【】【b】【老】【师】【没】【有】【缺】【点】【—】【—】【这】【世】【界】【上】【曾】【有】【一】【个】【少】【年】【就】【这】【么】【看】【。】【 】【 】【 】【 】【 】【有】【天】【下】【午】【回】【到】【家】【】【坐】【着】【发】【呆】【，】【既】【为】【自】【己】【的】【立】【场】【懊】【恼】【】【又】【为】【自】【己】【的】【出】【身】【担】【忧】【。】【这】【时】【小】【恒】【来】【了】【】【几】【个】【星】【期】【不】【见】【，】【他】【的】【汇】【报】【已】【经】【“】【以】【阶】【级】【斗】【争】【为】【纲】【”】【了】【】【 】【 】【 】【 】【 】【 】【 】【所】【以】【冬】【天】【，】【所】【有】【的】【冬】【天】【】【在】【我】【的】【记】【忆】【里】【，】【几】【乎】【每】【一】【个】【冬】【天】【的】【晚】【上】【】【奶】【奶】【都】【在】【灯】【下】【学】【习】【。】【窗】【外】【】【风】【中】【，】【老】【海】【棠】【树】【枯】【干】【的】【枝】【条】【敲】【打】【着】【屋】【檐】【】【磨】【擦】【着】【窗】【棂】【。】【奶】【奶】【曾】【经】【读】【一】【本】【《】【扫】【盲】【识】【字】【课】【本】【》】【】【再】【后】【是】【一】【字】【一】【句】【地】【念】【报】【纸】【上】【的】【头】【版】【新】【闻】【。】【在】【《】【奶】【奶】【的】【星】【星】【》】【里】【我】【写】【过】【：】【她】【学】【《】【国】【歌】【》】【一】【课】【时】【】【把】【“】【吼】【声】【”】【念】【成】【“】【孔】【声】【”】【。】【我】【写】【过】【我】【最】【不】【能】【原】【谅】【自】【己】【的】【一】【件】【事】【：】【奶】【奶】【举】【着】【一】【张】【报】【纸】【】【小】【心】【地】【凑】【到】【我】【跟】【前】【：】【“】【这】【一】【段】【，】【你】【给】【我】【说】【说】【】【到】【底】【什】【么】【意】【思】【？】【”】【我】【看】【也】【不】【看】【地】【就】【回】【答】【：】【“】【您】【学】【那】【玩】【艺】【儿】【有】【用】【吗】【】【您】【以】【为】【把】【那】【些】【东】【西】【看】【懂】【，】【您】【就】【真】【能】【摘】【掉】【什】【么】【帽】【子】【】【”】【奶】【奶】【立】【刻】【不】【语】【，】【惟】【低】【头】【盯】【着】【那】【张】【报】【纸】【】【半】【天】【半】【天】【目】【光】【都】【不】【移】【动】【。】【我】【的】【心】【一】【下】【子】【收】【紧】【】【但】【知】【已】【无】【法】【弥】【补】【。】【“】【奶】【奶】【】【”】【“】【奶】【奶】【！】【”】【“】【奶】【奶】【—】【—】【”】【我】【记】【得】【她】【终】【于】【抬】【起】【头】【时】【，】【眼】【里】【竟】【全】【是】【惭】【愧】【】【毫】【无】【对】【我】【的】【责】【备】【。】【 】【 】【 】【 】【 】【“】【有】【时】【候】【由】【不】【得】【你】【呀】【哥】【】【那】【帮】【孙】【子】【没】【事】【丫】【拱】【火】【！】【”】【 】【 】【 】【 】【 】【“】【那】【年】【他】【让】【日】【本】【人】【抓】【叻】【去】【，】【打】【得】【死】【去】【活】【来】【】【这】【下】【大】【伙】【才】【知】【道】【他】【是】【个】【忼】【日】【的】【呀】【…】【…】【”】【 】【 】【 】【 】

【 】【 】【第】【一】【部】【分】【 】【二】【姥】【姥】【 】【 】【 】【 】【 】【“】【我】【看】【她】【是】【找】【她】【亲】【妈】【去】【了】【。】【”】【 】【 】【 】【 】【 】【 】【 】【不】【知】【奶】【奶】【那】【天】【为】【什】【么】【要】【带】【我】【到】【那】【儿】【去】【】【以】【及】【后】【来】【为】【什】【么】【再】【也】【没】【去】【过】【。】【 】【 】【 】【 】【 】【 】【终】【于】【有】【一】【天】【奶】【奶】【领】【我】【走】【下】【台】【阶】【】【走】【向】【小】【街】【的】【东】【端】【。】【我】【一】【直】【猜】【想】【那】【儿】【就】【是】【地】【的】【尽】【头】【】【世】【界】【将】【在】【那】【儿】【陷】【落】【、】【消】【失】【—】【—】【因】【为】【太】【阳】【从】【那】【儿】【爬】【上】【来】【的】【时】【候】【，】【它】【的】【背】【后】【好】【象】【什】【么】【也】【没】【有】【】【谁】【料】【，】【那】【儿】【更】【像】【是】【一】【个】【喧】【闹】【的】【世】【界】【的】【开】【端】【】【那】【儿】【交】【叉】【着】【另】【一】【条】【小】【街】【，】【那】【街】【上】【有】【酒】【馆】【】【有】【杂】【货】【铺】【，】【有】【油】【坊】【、】【粮】【店】【和】【小】【吃】【摊】【；】【因】【为】【有】【小】【吃】【摊】【】【那】【儿】【成】【为】【我】【多】【年】【之】【中】【最】【向】【往】【的】【去】【处】【。】【那】【儿】【还】【有】【从】【城】【外】【走】【来】【的】【骆】【驼】【队】【】【“】【什】【么】【呀】【，】【奶】【奶】【】【”】【“】【啊】【，】【骆】【驼】【】【”】【“】【干】【嘛】【呢】【，】【它】【们】【】【”】【“】【驮】【煤】【。】【”】【“】【驮】【到】【哪】【儿】【去】【呀】【】【”】【“】【驮】【进】【城】【里】【。】【”】【驼】【铃】【一】【路】【叮】【玲】【铛】【琅】【叮】【玲】【铛】【琅】【地】【响】【】【骆】【驼】【的】【大】【脚】【趟】【起】【尘】【土】【，】【昂】【首】【挺】【胸】【目】【空】【一】【切】【】【七】【八】【头】【骆】【驼】【不】【紧】【不】【慢】【招】【摇】【过】【市】【，】【行】【人】【和】【车】【马】【都】【给】【它】【让】【路】【】【我】【望】【着】【骆】【驼】【来】【的】【方】【向】【问】【：】【“】【那】【儿】【是】【哪】【儿】【？】【”】【奶】【奶】【说】【：】【“】【再】【往】【北】【就】【出】【城】【啦】【】【”】【“】【出】【城】【了】【是】【哪】【儿】【呀】【？】【”】【“】【是】【城】【外】【】【”】【“】【城】【外】【什】【么】【样】【儿】【？】【”】【“】【行】【了】【】【别】【问】【啦】【！】【”】【我】【很】【想】【去】【看】【看】【城】【外】【，】【可】【奶】【奶】【领】【我】【朝】【另】【一】【个】【方】【向】【走】【】【我】【说】【“】【不】【，】【我】【想】【去】【城】【外】【”】【】【我】【说】【“】【奶】【奶】【我】【想】【去】【城】【外】【看】【看】【”】【，】【我】【不】【走】【了】【】【蹲】【在】【地】【上】【不】【起】【来】【。】【奶】【奶】【拉】【起】【我】【往】【前】【走】【】【我】【就】【哭】【。】【“】【带】【你】【去】【个】【更】【好】【玩】【儿】【的】【地】【方】【不】【好】【吗】【】【那】【儿】【有】【好】【些】【小】【朋】【友】【…】【…】【”】【我】【不】【听】【，】【一】【路】【哭】【】【 】【 】【 】【 】【 】【柳】【青】【的】【母】【亲】【，】【我】【叫】【她】【孙】【姨】【】【曾】【经】【和】【现】【在】【嘟】【这】【样】【叫】【。】【这】【期】【间】【】【有】【一】【天】【我】【忽】【然】【知】【道】【了】【，】【她】【昰】【三】【、】【四】【十】【年】【代】【一】【位】【很】【有】【名】【的】【作】【家】【—】【—】【梅】【娘】【】【 】